Laksh tapped Ragini’s apartment door continuously hoping that she’ll at there. Ragini opened the door irritated as she was having a nap after a hectic night shift, only to get surprised by his brother in law’s glare. Laksh stepped inside uninvited not caring Ragini’s ‘what the hell is wrong with him’ look. He made himself comfortable on sofa and looked directly at Ragini’s eyes.
“Why? Just why? Ragini.. I am not here as a brother in law nor a brother.. as a friend, I am asking from my friend.. as a man, I am asking from a woman… just why?” Laksh asked from Ragini with disappointed and shocked voice still with a glare.
Ragini stood there rooted to her spot and in a moment she understood what he meant. She gave him a weak smile and went near the table still feeling Laksh’s glare. She pour a water glass and nearing Laksh, gave it to him. As he took the glass from her, she sat on the chair which was in front of Laksh while answering him.
“Because I was selfish Laksh…” she sighed. Laksh coughed with her words and making water threw from his mouth and slipping the glass through his grip, braking it into pieces.
“What did you just say?”
“It’s the truth.. I was being selfish…” Ragini again reasoned with a weak smile. Laksh twisted his eyebrows and looked at her.
“Let’s just clear this thing.. you married a man knowing that it’s a completely deal for his family.. you stayed in that man’s house with complete ignorance, seeing hate in his eyes for you.. almost for two blo*dy years, without any emotional support. you lived with a person under same roof who played with your emotions, your self respect, who took you for granted, who made a deal out of you, who didn’t care for you. Who destroyed your dreams and hopes, who was emotionally torturing you. You had to live in a place where you made almost forget how to smile.. where you dragged to depression…
……. and you say you was being selfish?” Laksh asked her in disbelieving smirk.
“Where was the girl who fought for women rights..? where was the woman who taught others to fight for themselves.? Where was the lady who believed in morals and her own values…? where was the Ragini who was ready to anything to protect her self respect and keep her dignity….? Laksh yelled at her banging the stool beside him.
“ I am again telling you Laksh.. It was the easy path..” Ragini again said with a weak curve on her lips.
“Bhabi… I…” Laksh was about to burst out when Ragini sighed and started to talk.
“You never know anyone’s perspective until you are on their shoes. It was the same for me.. do you know Laksh.. when I was a kid I always wanted to do things like my brothers did. You know fun and exciting things.. explore the world.. and my parents some how gave me space.. I wore trousers as they were comfortable, climbed up trees.. I was having a free life. That’s how people saw.. that’s not the complete truth though.. I had my own problems and the only thing was I never let people know about that I have problems, not even my family.. no one knew..
normally girls are scared of cockroaches, spiders, but I grew up with brothers and nature, so I was not scared of them.. and that made people think I am not scared of anything. That I am a tough strong girl who is hard to get. But the truth was, I was scared with many things that I didn’t let anyone know. I was scared of relationships.. I was scared of losing people I love, I was scared of getting deceived by someone I loved, I was scared of heart breaking…. and that made me, a half stone.. that’s what made me a closed person. That’s why I was not letting anyone in.. I smiled always to not let anyone know that I am weak at heart and used sharp words to protect my heart from people thinking they might hurt it. At the same time I was living a free life. No bonds, no limits, Do university works, studying.. I was free.
I didn’t had any interest of affairs. First thing being the Shekhar Gadodia’s daughter, people came near me that because they really loved me, but because of money,. Second thing I very well knew many can’t handle my personality, third I loved my free life. And these things made me strong in people’s eyes. And I wanted to be strong. And I didn’t want to see other girls in pain so I taught them to fight for themselves. But at the end I was tired.. tired of fighting .. for once I wanted to be loved truly without scaring about getting heart breaks. In whole life only in two points my parents forced me to do things. Be a Doctor and marry.. I didn’t want to be a doctor, but now I am thankful to them as it helps me to over come my fears.
And the second thing happen.. it was few days after I got degree. They want me to get marry, not particularly one, but marry. Even though they let me be like I want, when I grew up they want me to be alike a ideal daughter.. you know… always shy and obedient, never dares to talk back elders or people, who wears sarees after marriage and all that. For some or other reason they wanted me to change. And I did, a little, not because their words but because like I said, l was tired.
And then they bought your brother’s proposal. I was willing to give a chance. Your family had money so I thought he will not use me for money.. Sanskar was handsome, dashing, wealthy, independent, I remember my friends were drooling over him. So I thought if he wanted to marry someone he wished, he surely can, but since he agreed to marry me maybe… maybe he actually liked me…. we got engaged.. everyone in the city knew our alliance.. all went smooth until I get to know about the bet and father’s deals.
I wanted to break the engagement then and there but I stopped. I didn’t want my family to be in shame and disrespect them. That was the moment I understood that why women bear these things on their own. I knew what I was doing is against my morals and values but it was the easy path. Can you imagine Laksh what could have happened in society if I broke our engagement. It will be a headline, every one will gossip about it and the whole blame will go across me and my family. But it’s not the main reason I stopped. It was because Sanskar.
He talked with me, cared for me, smiled with me. He made me feel special and frankly he seemed genuine. It all looked real. And… and I wanted to give a chance… to life… to love…. some where along our journey I had started to fall for him. I kinda started to love him….. for once I didn’t want to fight but someone to fought for me. I never asked him about bet or deal cause at that time I didn’t want to think.. I was too tired.
At the wedding night he declared that how much he hates me and my family for trying to kill his bade papa and how he used me to get bet money for his company or whatsoever. I could digest the fact about bet as I already knew about it but the murder accusation was something huge. All I knew was that my father does not do that kind of things. He only wanted to get me married into a family where he thought I will be valued and respected. I wanted to fight but I choose to be silent. I was being selfish. Cause that was the easy path Laksh… it was the easiest one.. Cause if I fought I have to fight through whole life. Maybe I clear his misunderstandings this time but then again if something happen I’ll have to fight again.. what if it repeats? I was scared of that.. and I didn’t want to be a burden on him. I didn’t want to be a someone who engulfed in a unwanted relationship. I didn’t want to be a part of his life if he doesn’t want me.
He said that I can stay in his house, do whatever I like to do in my life but not be a part of his life. And I agreed. I am a doctor, I am independent, I lived alone before, and I don’t want anyone…and no one needs to know about it. Not my family nor the society like I always did. Cause I was never someone who will cry and do dramas to get attention and sympathy. Just a little compromise from my side and everyone will be happy without and commotions or rivalries among families. I will have my free live without wifely duties. And there will be no disrespect towards me or my family. Do you understand Laksh, if I got divorce everyone will blame my family as they let me live as I wished and I didn’t want that. Until he asked for divorce I will live here…. These were my thoughts. So I choose not to fight. And he never asked for divorce..
But Sanskar he was difficult to understand. He started to drink and burst out on me, with or without reasons but slowly his avatar started to scare me.. moms told that I was the reason behind his alcohol addiction and I started to feel guilty about it.. maybe because I was alone and down with depress, I was scared of him specially when he is drunk. So I tried to keep myself out of his sight by not speaking and not appearing in front of him. Spending much time in studies and in hospital, trying to divert my mind from negative thoughts..
But when he asked for divorce after accusing that I have a extra marital affair with my friend Vickram I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. But still I didn’t want to fight. That’s why I agreed for divorce without any battle. Then I came here cause I knew if I went my home, my family will face lots of questions.. and I knew even they will first blame me before understanding the situations as never let them know any of my problems. I didn’t want to be in another painful situation. I just wanted to collect myself. And it was a miracle, when the whole truth behind the murder attempts and all those fake photos of mine and Vickram came out within two days after whole drama happened between us.
It was revealed that one of common enemy of both families tried to kill bade papa and made it looked like my father did it, trying to make a rival between families which didn’t happen since we married and that jerk who called that bet, who was still angry on me for refusing his proposal and was envy of Sanskar as he married me and was successful in his every business had send that all those fake photos and made all those situations which led Sanskar think that I was having an extra marital affair.
Now even after I know that Sanskar was used too and even after his apologies the reason that I can’t be with him is those memories. Those memories, that pain scare me Laksh.. they hurt…. and I can’t handle any more heart breaks… I just can’t… I see the genuineness in his eyes which he had in his eyes in initial days of our relationship too. I can feel the care and love of him for me, which I felt in the days during our engagement to wedding. That’s why I am scared… what if.. what if…” Ragini took a deep breath trying to calm her emotions and nerves.
Laksh too inhaled a lots of air to control his tears which were trying to peep out through his eye lids. While sniffing he looked at Ragini.
“Bhabi.. can I hug you please…..?” he asked gulping big amount of saliva, trying to gulp down the toughness he felt in his throat. Ragini looked at him surprisingly for a second and then nodded through a smile.
He hugged her and tears he held in eyes were rolling down across his cheeks.
“You really need to know the meaning of selfish though….” Laksh said while breaking the hug and wiping his eyes.
Ragini hit him lightly with a glare.
“Now enough of this.. since you broke my nap and my glass too, I am thinking what should I do with you?” Ragini asked.
“Are you serious,? I am your guest.. don’t you also have manners like your husband..? bring me an orange juice or something….” Laksh answered in same manner in order to cool the situation.
Ragini made a face towards him and went to kitchen while Laksh went behind her. She took an orange juice bottle out of fridge and was pouring it to a glass when Laksh slowly asked her,
“you still have feelings for bhai…. don’t you bhabi?”
Ragini gasped with sudden question and Laksh stopped the glass dispersing orange Juice all over the kitchen island in nick of time. He slightly smirked as he got his answer.
“ I … l was just…..” Ragini stammered with words when Laksh helped her.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell him, for what he did, he needs to SUFFER ……” Laksh said with a mischievous grin.
“Laksh… I….” Ragini started to reasoned when Laksh interrupted her again with serious face and tone.
“ One last question, I won’t ask any again..” sensing his seriousness Ragini slowly nodded her head.
“Is that only because you scare, that you don’t want to be with bhai and get divorce? Or are there any other reasons too…?”
Ragini’s face changed suddenly into shock and discomfort which didn’t went unnoticed by Laksh. Ragini cleared her throat with a cough and said,
“Hmhm.. it’s just I am scared..” “and there are other reasons too” she slowly added while again pouring orange juice into glass. Laksh understood that she didn’t want to talk about those reasons and he didn’t wish to interfere in anyone’s personal problems and matters. While taking glass from her with a grin there was only one thought in his mind,
‘Is bhabi hiding something…..?’
Hey guys.. so how was it.. hit the like button and tell me your views through commets..