Shiv :Shaleen Malhotra
Ragini: Tejaswi Prakash
âPapaâ screeched our 10 year old daughter when I entered my home after a tiring day from Police station. She came running and hugged me and gave me my daily dose of sweet kiss which is my only solace in this cruel world. I being an ACP will go through so many cases in a day that drain my emotions and feelings sometime and make me look emotionless tough ACP but when I reach my home the melody of my daughter’s laugh makes me crave to live in a fictional world away from that terrible real world. I fed her dinner for which she waits for me all night. We have made a practice to have our dinner together. So she won’t leave me and have food though she is damn hungry. She is just like her mom sweet and caring.
âPapaâ called my life sleeping in my embrace after we finished dinner and settled in bedroom. âHmmm babyâ I responded. She turned her little head to me and asked smiling âWho named me Rashiâ I smiled at her and said âYour Maa. She named you mixing mine and her name. Ragini ka Ra and Shiv ka shiâ She chuckled listening to it. âHow you met mummaâ she asked curious. I smiled at her and looked at ceiling. All the memories flashed in my mind. It still looked like it just happened yesterday. I remembered that most special day of my life when dimension of my life changed to completely upside down.
âShiv he ran that wayâ said Ram one of my colleague when we were chasing a gang of two thieves in the market which was crowded. We were in civilian dress and we could not use our guns sensing security issues. One among them was caught but the other ran in the crowd. I followed him. He sensing that I’m very close to him clutched a woman’s hair. The women jerked and screamed. He turned to me twirling still holding the woman’s hair in his clutches. As I heard her scream my feet stopped with a sudden force. I stumbled and stopped looking at him. He smirked at me that he won the race and he will be out of my reach with his latest prey. Then my gaze went on his prey. And the time stopped there when I saw her beautiful face. Beautiful? Common Shiv Kapoor how can that word come in your dictionary. Seriously mahn the tough cop Shiv Kapoor is lost looking at a woman and calling her beautiful. Such occasions come in a life time. I brushed the thoughts of my naughty conscious and came back to the real world. The woman was struggling in that beasts hold. It pained me deeply. I have seen worst situations but somewhere her pain was piercing me. Then I saw something which made my eye balls jump out due to shock. She glared him with anger and screamed âTeri himmat kaise hui mere baal ko haath bhi lagane kiâ His smirk widened listening her kiddish voice trying to sound tough. Even I couldn’t control my laugh when her high pitch voice was trying to sound manly. She turned her gaze to me on my chuckle and gave me death glares. My eyes shone for the momentary eye lock we shared. She swiftly turned to that beast and huffed. She took a deep breath with her cute pink lips and closed her eyes to cool her burning anger. I should admit she was looking damn cute like that. She opened her eyes and gave the goon a fake smile which was like she was teasing him for her upcoming move. She positioned herself and her right hand. Before the goon could grasp anything he felt a powerful blow on his stomach due to her sharp and strong elbow. He bent forward due to pain and his grip loosened on her hair. She smirked and held his hand and brought it forward, twisted it and pinned it to his back.
The goon was wincing in pain. Oh my God what am I seeing. I expected her to plead me to help her. And I like a superman will save her. But now I have to save the goon. I saw her screaming in his ear. âUllu ke pathe kya samja hai tune ladkiyo ko haa. Yeh haath chudiya hi nahi pehnte wakht aane par tere jaise ko tikhana lagana bhi jaante hai. Agli baar kisi bhi ladki ke baal pakadne se pehle dus baar sochiyoâ And she twisted his hand more. The goon cried with pain and looked at me to help him. Truly speaking I felt pity on him. She jerked his hand and he fell on the ground with a thud. He looked at her horrified folding his hands like he has seen Kaali matha. She blew air from her pink lips to make the hairs strands falling on her face to fly back. She fixed her hair, rubbed her nose with her palm and turned and walked with rage. Ahh she did not even see me. I felt bad. My colleague who came on my way picked the horrified goon and started moving to our jeep. âYou carry on Ram. I will meet you in sometimeâ I said to Ram while leaving. I could sense his confusions. More than him I was confused about my newly discovered feelings. I ran in the direction she went. I felt I will miss her for life. I became so restless first time in my life. Then I spotted her and my heart was flying with joy. I saw her walking with her shopping bags. I ran swiftly and matched my steps with her. She jerked a bit and found me walking beside her. She gave me confused look and I smiled nervously at her. Her eyes always bound me to something from which I could not drag myself away. Her eyes became intense. âHiâ only could escape my mouth. Gosh Mr. Shiv Kapoor was nervous for the first time. Again my stupid conscious spoke. She shrank her eyes and looked at me piercing with her gaze. I left a breath relaxing and smiled at her weakly. âWhat?â she asked me confused. âAhhh Hi. I’m Shiv. Shiv Kapoorâ I said forwarding my hand. âTho?â she asked without shaking hand and folding her hands. âNo I just… I justâ I struggled to reason. I was the fierce cop whose voice only used to make the goons and even normal public shiver. But here her voice was making me shiver. What the hell I’m doing. I closed my eyes frustrated due to my stupidity. Her melodious laugh fell on my eardrums and my heart fluttered with joy. I opened my eyes and found her laughing looking at me. My heart started flying again and I blushed and smiled widely. âOh I’m sorry.
My name is Ragini Gadodiaâ she said controlling her laugh and shaking my hand. Her soft palm touched my hard hand and my heart melted and I controlled my growing excitement and my smile widened more. My jaws were cursing me for smiling so much and making them pain. âActually I was just pissed off due to that idiot. Don’t take me wrongâ she said smiling. I felt something strange. How sweet she was. âYou are seriously very braveâ I said. She blushed. Gosh her pink cheeks made my heart race with joy. âThank youâ she said and dragged her hand back. I looked at my lucky hand sad. Then I looked up at her. âByeâ she said and walked. âCan we meet againâ I asked her not able to control myself. Ahhh you call me stupid you are more stupid than me. What might she will assume about you said my stupid conscious. First time it was making sense. I closed my eyes for my stupidity. She smiled and turned and said âSure. CCD Lalbagh Sunday 10 o clock. Is that fine?â Oh My God I can’t believe my luck. I smiled widely and nodded my head swiftly. She smiled and headed on her way nodding her head in disbelief. I caressed my neck blushing.Luckiest day of my life today that I met her.
âSoâ she asked me sipping her coffee. âWill you marry me?â I asked her straight. She spit the coffee and gave me weird look. âWhat?â she screamed. All the people around were looking at us. She said sorry to everyone shrinking her eyes embarrassed. âAre youâ she was ready to scream but she looked around and lowered her voice and said âAre you insane?â I smiled and said âActually I wasn’t but after I met you I have become oneâ Wow Mr. Shiv Kapoor you can also speak cheesy lines I’m impressed said my conscious. She blushed a bit but covered her expression suddenly sensing my gaze on her. She looked around not able to meet my eyes. âI think I should leaveâ she said trying to get up. I felt she is going away from me. I immediately held her hand. She stopped and looked into my eyes which were so happy to meet her eyes. And we were lost in each other for a moment.
And when we came back to our senses we looked around avoiding eye contact. My grip on her hand tightened grabbing her attention to me. âGive me a chanceâ I said pleading her. âYou have to talk to my momâ she said blushing. She dragged her hand and headed out blushing. I leaned back to my chair relaxing and looked at her. As she reached the door she turned and smiled which made me sure that she was ready to enter my life. I felt foolish of myself. Just in one meeting I fell in love with her so deeply. After we departed that day I was always restless. I missed her badly. Though we were just away for 2 days. It seemed like we were away from ages. How much I got attached to her in a single meeting that I was sure that I cannot live without her and I needed her in my life badly. I know I did not give time to understand her and her to understand me. But I have all my life to understand her. I just need her in my life. We don’t have anything called perfect partner. When we accept the imperfection we become perfect for each other. That confidence I had on me and I had on her from the time I met her.
âAap dono pati patni hue. Apne bado se aashirvad lelijiyeâ said the Pandit announcing us husband and wife. That was the best sentence I had heard in my life so far. Finally she was in my life. After I proposed her that day in CCD all the things happened so swiftly. I told my mom about it who agreed happily to go to her house with Shagun. I was hesitant where her mom will not agree sighting my profession as reason. But her mom turned out to be so understanding she agreed for the proposal. Then I came to know that her dad was an Army officer who lost his life in war. From then those two has been fighting strong. Her mom agreed because she had immense respect towards Army and police officers. I’m again lucky. Actually after I met her I have been lucky only. Her mom became my mom and I started calling her Sumi maa. And she accepted my mom as her mom. They had problems initially but then as her nature was she made my mom also fall in love with her. So much that my mom loved her more than me. I always used to get jealous of her bond.
âHow come today you came so earlyâ said my life cupping my face when I was back hugging her. I tickled her with my fingers on her shoulders and kissed her back. âShivâ she called as she jerked due to it. She was arranging the cupboard and for a surprise she wore Sari today. I couldn’t control my senses looking at her milky skin and hugged her from back as soon as I entered the house. I closed the door of the cupboard with my right hand and kissed her neck. She blushed and held my left hand which had encircled her belly. I lifted her in my arms and moved to bed. âShiv…â she said and glared me. I made her stand near the bed. Her cheeks turned crimson and she turned and her hand traveled on my stomach over my shirt and she encircled her hand around me. My nose touched her forehead and she blushed more and smiled closing her eyes. I kissed her nose. I bent more to her lips and my lips met her soft lips.
Such blissful feeling it was. After a week of our marriage we got our moment of love. I was tasting her lips. Six months back I never even imagined that she will be in my life. Our kiss became more and more passionate and we landed on bed in each others embrace. Our soul mixed with each others and we became one that day. I kissed her tear which escaped her eye after we became intimate. âAre you okay?â I asked her concerned. âI feel completeâ she said smiling through her tears. I kissed her forehead. I turned and slept on the couch and dragged her in my embrace. She kept her head on my bare chest smiling. I kissed her hair again. I looked at ceiling feeling complete. She completed me and I was the happiest person in the world. My messed up life was falling in place. I smiled widely. Now I could tell her those magical words really. âI love youâ I said dragging her more close to me. âI love you moreâ she said and smiled and hugged me more tightly.
âJaanâ I screamed as I entered our room. Mom told me that she did not had her dinner. As I entered I did not find her. I was restless. I saw the washroom door open. I saw her sitting on the bath tub nervous. I neared her worried. I sat on my knees and cupped her face. Tears were rolling from her eyes I got hell worried. âWhat happened?â I asked her wiping her tears. She showed me a small instrument. I looked at her confused. Then I analyzed what she was holding exactly. Oh my goodness I was about to faint due to excitement. âAre you?â I asked her closing my mouth with one had. She nodded her head in yes with tears and smiling. I kissed her immediately. Tears rolled down my eyes. When we felt difficult to breath we departed and I held her head and touched her forehead with mine. âThank you my lifeâ I said panting. She smiled widely. She was happy. That’s why she was nervous to tell me the news. We consulted the gynecologist who confirmed her pregnancy.
Once again she filled my life with more happiness. I decided to give her all my attention to take care of her. She was carrying my Ansh. I always wondered and respected women for their immense courage to carry a life within them. She suffered with mood swings which gave me shivers sometime. I was extra cautious that I don’t take my anger on her in any situation. I was struggling initially. Mom came to my rescue and made me understand everything. Even I was busy with my duty I used to call her every half an hour. She was so understanding that she never complained about me being away from her due to my work commitments. She was grown up away from her dad all her life due to his work. She learned from her mom to be so strong even if she was away from me. That is what impressed me. Her courage to face anything.
I was enjoying her pregnancy more than her. I used to tease her sometime to cheer her by calling her moti sometimes. She used to pout and I used to side hug her and kiss her forehead to console her. I have been noticed now a days she had started writing a diary. I tried asking her many times but she denied and avoided the topic. Then I thought if it is necessary to me to know she will definitely tell me. She made a new habit of having dinner together. I always used to reach late. But she used to wait for me always. And she was becoming emotionally weak now a days.
âPlease I want to spend today with youâ she said hugging me on the bed. I felt it strange she never forces me like this. I complied and stayed home. She just rested in my embrace all day. She had food in room only. I saw a tear escaping her eye when I was feeding her lunch. I asked her through eyes what happened. She nodded smiling through her tears. I was feeling restless due to her strange behaviors.
âAhhâ I heard her scream holding her baby bump and breathing heavily. My heart sank when I saw her through mirror. Her due date was still a week away and I wasn’t prepared to see her like that. I panicked and rushed to her. âAhhh. Shiv. I’m not able to tolerate the pain.â she screamed. Tears flowed from my eyes. I carried her in my embrace to the car. She was resting her head on mom’s shoulder and I was sitting on her other side rubbing her hands. She held my shirt tight and winced in pain. I couldn’t see her like that. I told the driver to drive faster. My heart was sinking more and more as her face was burning due to pain. I dragged and placed her head on my chest. âI’m there na my life. Don’t worry. You are my brave bacha right?â I asked her and wiped my tears.
âI’m sorry we could not save Mrs. Kapoorâ said the doctor coming out of the operation theater. My world collapsed and shattered into pieces. âNo noâ I said and collapsed on the chair. My mom sat beside me and caressed my hair. My tears flowed and I was not in my senses to wipe them. I hugged my mom sobbing. âHow can she do this maa. Why did she leave me. How will I live without her. Simply I did not call her life. She was no She is my lifeâ I said sobbing. My mom sobbed. She herself did not knew how to console me. She was like her daughter. How will she tolerate and overcome this lose. âRaginiâ we heard Sumi maa’s cry as she heard the doctor when she came to hospital. I went and hugged her and consoled her. He daughter also left her alone in this world she felt. I could feel her pain. The nurse came out with our baby. I took her in my embrace. I felt Ragini standing beside me resting her head on my shoulder and caressing our baby’s forehead. She smiled looking at me with tears in her eyes. Slowly she walked away from me. I was looking at her feeling my soul is going away from me. Our baby cried grabbing my attention I looked at her and then at Ragini. She smiled and signed me to smile by stretching her lips with her fingers. I smiled unknowingly. When she completely disappeared I came back to reality. âRaginiâ I screamed and collapsed on floor holding our daughter.
She left me. She left me forever
âShivâ I heard my mom calling when I was sitting on bed. Our daughter was playing with my white kurti sleeve. I wiped my face and looked at my new life. She was smiling unaware of surrounding. When I was getting down from the bed my gaze fell on the dairy which Ragini used to write. I neared it and saw a note on it. âTo Shiv, my worldâ and it was wrapped across with a ribbon. I opened the ribbon and opened the dairy. âShivaâ called mom again. I kept the dairy aside and took our daughter and headed down. I never used to leave her alone from the day Ragini left. She was just like her mom. She used to understand me without me saying anything. She never used to trouble me. It was just one week that Ragini left me but it looked like from ages I’m living without her. Was this also life? Living without my soul I felt. After dinner I came back to my room with my new life and placed her on bed as she slept after I patted her back to make her sleep. Then I went back to the table and took the dairy in my hand. As I opened the second page I found our marriage photo pasted on it.
Tears rolled my eyes when I saw it as it reminded me how my life was full of her love. We were looking at each other and smiling in that picture. I caressed her face. I wiped my tears and turned to next page. âThank you for coming in my lifeâ was written in bold font. I smiled a bit still with tears in my eyes and hugged the diary feeling her. I turned the next page. I looked at the highlighted date. It was the date of her check up when she was seven months pregnant. My eyes shrank realizing it. I had mugged up all the dates of her check up as soon as I had got the card from the doctor when we went for the first time. And among all the check ups I missed only this date because I had an emergency case so she had to go alone. I instructed the driver to take her safely and bring her back safely.
âHi Hubbyâ I read the first line. Whenever she used to feel more romantic she used to call me that. I smiled as I felt her voice.
âToday I came to know biggest shock of my life. I did not want to tell you though. But it is your right to know so I’m writing here so that you will know it someday. Doctor had analyzed my scan report and said I have complications in my pregnancy. I felt my world scattering around. She said now if we don’t abort the kid I may lose my life.â My breath was stuck in my throat only. Anger crept me. I felt cheated that she hid such big truth from me. We could have sorted it together. I continued reading. âI know you must be hell angry on me but I had no option if you would have known this you would have aborted our child. And I didn’t wanted that. I know how much this child meant to youâ
âBut you were more important to me than anybody in this worldâ I said looking up as if she will hear me.
âI know I’m stupid. I should have told you but I did not had the courage to lose your Ansh. I don’t know whether it is a girl or a boy also. But I strongly feel it is a girl as your wish. Will you name her Rashi. Ra from Ragini and Shi from Shivâ I smiled through my tears and nodded my head.
As I read more I found all the things I should do as a mother to our Rashi as she grows. It looked like she is around me and we are enjoying our parenthood together. She made it easy for me. She solved my problems always. I read the last page on our Rashi’s first birthday. âI know now you will be fully prepared for taking care of our kid. Give her lots of love. Mai bahut badnaseeb hu na Shiv. Mai usse apne hisse ka pyar bhi nahi de payi.â Tears rolled from my eyes. âBut I know you will give her my part of love also I have that confidence on you. If she misses me just tell her that I’m always around her, blessing her. I wont tell you to move on as I know what I’m to you. I know I’m your life and you cannot give my place to anyone.â I looked up and said âHow you know me so well Jaanâ I continued reading âI love you more. Though we didn’t spend our lifetime with each other but whatever we spent the time together was like I spent my whole life with you. I enjoyed every second of my life with you like it was an year of my life. So I lived the longest time.
I will be always with you Shiv alwaysâ I found the last page filled of our photos together. One was of our marriage reception. One of our first evening on terrace after marriage in which we are enjoying our Sunday coffee. Then one of her Godh Bharai where I was side hugging her smiling touching her forehead with my nose. Like that many of our beautiful moments together. I caressed all the photos feeling her presence still in my life. She did not leave me. She can never leave me. I closed the diary and hugged the diary. I felt she is in my embrace. Rashi chuckled grabbing my attention. I kept the dairy on table and moved to our bed where she was sitting and playing wearing her pink birthday frock. I lifted her and headed out. On the way I held Rashi’s hand and made her caress Ragini’s photo. I felt Ragini’s smile widened in that lifeless picture. I headed down for her birthday celebration.
As I was hugging Rashi and looked up at ceiling I spoke to my life. âYou know Jaan our Rashi is just like you. All this ten years she filled your place and made my life complete again. She is your shadow. She senses my anxiety always like you used to do. She never troubled me. I’m so lucky to have you both in my life. I love you Jaanâ Our Rashi who was half asleep murmured âI love you more Papaâ I smiled and kissed her forehead.
Hi RagLakholic. I don’t know your name dear. But I wrote it just on your request. Hope you liked it. Keep smiling. Sorry for any typos.