My head hurts. Itâs due to over crying. Really, I shaded buckets of tears yesterday in my roomâs darkness. I needed that darkness to swallow my hurt.
The light from the window troubled my sleep. After failing time and again to cover my eyes with the spare pillow on my bed, I finally got up to draw the curtains.
The floor was cold. I try to recall the events of the previous night. I feel there was something heavy inside my heart. Like an ache. Itâs kind of emotional clot. I guess I will deal with it. But at present, I badly want to get sleep.
A bit irritated, I drew curtains close. My bedroom was again dark. I fall back on my bed.
What time is it? I wonder
Thankfully, I was able to reach out to my cellphone on the side table. I stretched my arm to pick it up.
A series of miscall notifications were waiting my attention on the mobile phoneâs screen. They all were From Neil. Events from last night flashed in my mind. I entered the password and saw 51 miscall and 10 messages from him. All were stating âSam, pick up my callâ. The last one was different.
âSamâ¦Please talk to meâ¦.Iâm sorry..I didnât mean to hurt you. I didnât want you to leave before we could talkâ¦.Please call meâ¦.We really need to talkâ
The tears were streaming down my face and I had wiped them away as I pushed delete button. But when opened another messaged which cut me more than Neilâs.It was from Radhika.
âSam..i know what Neil did to youâ¦.Iâm so sorryâ¦if I knew that he would be jerkâ¦I never force you to do thatâ¦I love you..i will talk to you tommarowâ¦byeâ¦â
I put my phone back on the table and rolled over on the bed. Yesterdayâs event replayed in my mind. I could feel the fresh tears in my eyes and my pillow got wet. After an hour I again slept with nightmares full of the man that lives in my heart.
I woke up again I felt my momâs hand on my forehead.
âSam, howâs you feeling? I thought you caught cold as you drenched in rain yesterday â¦.â
âIâm fine momâ¦just feel tirednessâ¦.â I replied
âTake rest thenâ¦.i heard on local news that schools, colleges and offices declared off today..yesterdayâs rain causes damaged to the road to driveâ¦..â
Ohh God, Thank you for showing this mercy on meâ¦
â Okay mom..i will come downstairs after getting freshâ¦.â
âAlrightâ¦.â She shut the door as she went out.
My phone buzzed. I checked it, Radhikaâs name was flashing on screen.
I swiped the phone â Hello, Radzâ¦.â
âHey Iâm sorry Sam..I wouldnât have pushed you for itâ¦â
âRadz..iâm fine nowâ¦.â
âI canât belive Neil did that to youâ¦.â
Sighing I got up from bed and stood next to window.
âYou there Sam? â
âYeah..Just tiredâ¦â I didnât want to talk about it.i wanted complete silence to figure out how can deal with this
âGet some rest..i will call you laterâ¦love you..see yaâ¦â
âBye..Radzâ¦.â I placed the phone shut.
I took bath to make myself feel fresh. When I put on my tank top and short then heard a crash sound from downstairs. I ran and went downstairs to see what happen.
When I got down there,there stood Neil in his all Handsome glory. I turned around and ran back to the room, and slammed door behind. I clicked the door locked to prevent him entering in.
I heard him running behind me across the stairs.
âSam, open the door..â he yelled from other side of door
â Neilâ¦please go homeâ¦ â I yelled back
âIâm not leaving until we talkâ he heard him leaning on door
âthere isnât anything to talk to Neil..i know you didnât feel the sameâ¦â
âTalk to me Plaeseeeeeeâ¦.â His voice sounded exaggerated â I need to explain something to youâ¦.i want you to understand my thoughtsâ¦.Plaese Sammy..â
I wanted to open the door..but my mind kept telling No..and my heart was screaming YES. Now what he want to say more? What else will hurt more than he doesnât love you?
I pulled door open to meet his eyesâ¦.magnificent eyes of the man who holds my heartâ¦
âLetâs go downstairsâ¦.we arenât talking hereâ¦.â
He followed me closely. While descending the stairs I was thinking how to react to whatever he wants to say.
Then I decided to listen him first and then tell him what he wanted to hear. I needed my friend more.
As we came to the living room I noticed mom wasnât home. I started looking for her.
âSam, aunty left for market after I knocked out that vaseâ¦She will be back soonâ¦â
I nodded and pulled a glass from cabinet and filled it with water. Neil was keenly observing my every move. He was leaning against the door frame of kitchen.
âSam, Iâm sorry. I wasnât meant to react that wayâ¦and ended up hurting you â
âItâs okay..Neilâ¦â I wanted to sound okay but Iâm far from being it.
I started to study his expression. He sat on dinning tableâs chair.
â No..Sam..Itâs not okay..I always nice to stranger but hurted youâ¦â
He looked so sad. His expression changed. I wanted to hug him tight and comfort him.
âSam, when you told me that, I really didnât know how to react. To hear those words coming from you like shockâ
My eyes couldnât stop watching it..I wanted to hear him as much as I can.Donât after this life wouldnât give me this chance.
âI know Sammy..I do love you Sammy but not Girlfriend sort of wayâ¦.You are my best friend and we being relationship is not a good idea. Relationships comes and goâ¦but our friendship is for forever. I donât want to ruin our beautiful bond just because we got into actual relationshipâ¦.and moreover You are too good for meâ¦.â
ââwhat makes you think like that?â I interrupted him. How can he think like that for himself.
âSamâ¦you are a sweet and kind hearted girl..At first place I donât know how you could fall for guy like meâ¦.we are so differentâ¦.I trust you more than my family and Arjunâ¦.I couldnât afford to lose youâ¦.â
He wanted a friend, here I craved for man, the good man who possess heart of solid goldâ¦Itâs really irritating me that he calling himself lowâ¦.was he blind? But I donât want to lose my friend.so I need to push this thought of loveâ¦
âNeilâ¦Itâs okayâ¦.Love is not a formality. It has to come from insideâ¦I canât force you to love me back.Thatâs one big difference in trying to love and falling in love, I guessâ I paused
âSimple..Itâs didnât come to you like meâ¦.i understand you didnât feel the way I doâ¦and I promise I would not mention it in the future ever..I want my friend back to me rather having boyfriendâ¦â I completed
He was studying my expression to find out I was lying. But I donât. Itâs also for me what I said more than to him.
âI will be always you best friend..Sammy No matter what I will be always by your sideâ¦.â
â I too Neil..whatever happens I wonât leave youâ¦â my voice cracked
I stood up and walked near him. He too stood up and wrapped his arm around me. I want to cry hard on his shoulder, but I canât. All my emotions, my feelings, my love gonna be buried deep inside the darkness of my soul.
âPlease, Sam..donât do this to me again..I canât imagine life without youâ¦.â
His grip around me wasnât loosing, and for that moment, I too didnât want it to. I needed this. In a way I was saying good bye to those feeling inside me. He parted away and I met his eyes which were having thin film of tearsâ¦
âI need to leave now , Samâ¦.See you at college tomorrowâ¦â he spoke and went toward front door.. I too went behind him.
I watched him as he drove back on the road. As he went out of sight tears started falling from my eyes. I felt like my legs would go jelly and I will crash on that floor any moment..but No. I have to be strong..No more cry babyâ¦even my face put mask of being strong, my heart was crying insideâ¦.
Ohhh Godâ¦.Please give me strength to get through thisâ¦..
The world around me seems to going back to normal..Only three people knew about my confession. I still loved him but I never speak about it. I knew very well Neil never gonna see me more than friend. So I have to accept this bitter truth as soon as posibale.
So most of the time, I was the best actress. I acted as I am not in love with Neil Malhotra. I acted as I havenât said anything to him ever. Every day I watched his dark black eyes and wished I could be reason to have spackle in them.Butâ¦..We canât live with But , right?
Sighing, I started to read my notes while seating in Cafeteria.
âSo Sam you coming with us , right? â Nandini asked.
âwhere Iâm supposed to going ?â
âShopping with us, Sillyâ Radhika responded
âIâm sorry but I canâtâ¦ you guys carry onâ¦.â I wasnât in any mood to go for shopping with them.
âOh Godâ¦have you forgot? Next week there will be farewell party..so we need to buy a gorgeous dress for thatâ¦â Rosie said
Farewell party? No. Iâm not prepared.
âSorry, Iâm not attending it..I donât want to stand in a corner or tony hitting on me continuously. Iâm staying at home and will watch good movieâ¦â
âyou arenât going alone, Samâ¦â Radz said
âIf you guys forget then let me remind youâ¦. I donât have any dance partner with meâ¦..â
âActually You do haveâ¦.â I turned to look at the direction of voice and found Neil staring me back. â I was supposed to ask to you about this at morningâ¦.â
Is this happening in real with me? Is there any possibility that sun rose from west?
âSam, would you be my partner in Farewell party? â
I donât think how badly I wanted him to ask this question, but I had a feeling that Radhika and Nandini forced him to do that. The three were looking at me blankly.
Radhikaâs voice brought back me to the present and I found Neil was still waiting for my answer
âNeil, you donât have to do this for meâ¦You can find someone better than meâ¦I donât need your pityâ¦â
âI would never pity you, Sam..There isnât any girl whom I want to make my partner other than youâ¦.â He smiled at me. How could I say no to that smaile?
âIf you really want this Neil..I will go with youâ¦â I said smiling back
Radhika and Nandini squealed in happiness. But how would I will handle myself into pretty dress, high heels and make up. The best part was that I was going to spend whole time with the guy who I dreamt ofâ¦
Next: A Night to rememberâ¦.
So what you guys think about Farewell party? Will Neil able to change is mind? Will he able to fall in love with Sam, when he will saw her in her stunning glory?
Stay tunnedâ¦Please Commentsâ¦.Thank you so much for Your support and Love!!
Your comments made me smile..so keep them comingâ¦Love you all!!