Hello Darlings!! How’s your Diwali celebration? I had fun….
Dedication to Gauri Darling for loving and supporting since you are on vaccations….
Chapter 10: Internal Battle
Though my world looks normal, but it was far from it. I was constantly feeling Sam was hiding something from me, which wasnât her thing. Since before semester break, she was very quiet and engrossed in her thoughts always. I couldnât understand it. She never holds on any stuff from me for long. We would always talk about everything, exception of my random list of hook ups. She knew about the list, but we never bring that topic in us. I donât want her to know about few things.
I almost never saw her as our next semester starts, like she was hiding from me all the time. She never spent lunch with group in cafeteria anymore. She would hide herself in library or work for final project of our last year. So basically, I missed her. I couldnât explain it, but it was like part of me had gone missing and that part was going to hurt until she came back into my personal orbit. Her eyes would shift to the ground or towards books whenever I passed her in college.
Finally, I decided talk to her by myself that I know I didnât going to get any answer until I asked for it from her. I searched her all over the campus and found her siting and discussing something with Mira at garden area.
I headed towards her and as soon I reached to her I decided to make them aware of my presence.
âHey, Sam, Can we talk for a minute? â I asked and I met with Samâs eyes with that. It was like that she was terrified seeing me there. But why?
She turned to Mira and she picked notes and left us alone. My eyes went back to Sam who watched Mira leave like trying to avoid our eye contact. She was afraid of something which making air around us thick and dense.
She wasnât going to start so I decided to speak first to start our convo.
âSam, what is going on with you? You have been acting weird and everyone is noticing itâ¦Even Sid and Arjun shares the same difference in you..you havenât acting like yourselfâ
I knew I have to look confused to get any answer from her. but she seems having battle with her mind so after a minute or two she opened her mouth.
âIâm fine..just busy and tensed about the final projectâ her voice was shaky and she turned her gaze towards book like trying to avoid the topic.
âitâs more than that Sam. TALK TO MEâ I snatched her notes. Today I wanted to know it all.
âNeil, you canât fix everything in my life.you know we all have things that bother us and we donât want to talk about it.Remember I never asked you when it comes to the girls you screwing around. So please leave me aloneâ¦â
I stood froze there and I wanted nothing more than too yelled at her and tell her what exactly I was thinking. But I did opposite.
âThat is a low blowâ¦especially for you Samâ¦â
I threw notes paper on her face making them scattered everywhere and leave from there. I couldnât believe that she said that to me. She never throws my personal life on my face but now she does. What the hell was going on with her?
I decided that I didnât feel going back to class so I left. I decided to take back road to avoid traffic jams and headed towards the house. I past some secluded places that I would take girls that I liked to, but now seeing those spots making me even more furious and Samâs words echoed in my mind.
Sam never did this kind of thing. She didnât comment on otherâs personal life ever. She wasnât a typical gossipmonger. I know her. Something must be serious thing disturbing her to react like that.
When I finally got home, I slammed my carâs door and stormed into the house. I passed everyone in living room and headed up the stairs. I locked my room door and burst my room with loud music on my theater sound system. Then I threw myself on bed and crashed my face in pillow.
I wanted to push Samâs words out of my mind, but they were hurting bad. If anyone would have said to me that I would have blown that person or even didnât have paid any attention to them..but itâs came by Sam which cutting me deeply.
âwhatâs with this your tornado style entry, bro? â
I hadnât heard door open but there was my little sister standing putting her hands on her hips.
âBuzz off, Radhika..i donât have time nor patience to deal with you right nowâ¦.â I rolled back pillow.
She then held my hand and pulled me to the groundâ¦I landed on ground in shockâ¦from where she got this much strength to pull meâ¦.unbelievable girlâ¦.
âRadhika, leave me hell aloneâ¦..â I yelled
â I will when you tell me what happened? Have you fought with Sam or something?â
âI donât want to talk about her..So if you done with this interrogation..You can leave..â¦â I knew it wouldnât matter. Radhika gonna stay there until and unless she found what she wanted to know.
âSo by this response I guess it related to Samâ¦I wish you would have realized your love for herâ¦.â
â I donât love her like that Radhikaâ¦.â
âOh Godâ¦stop with that lieâ¦you know you guys are more than best friendsâ¦.i prayed that your tiny brain would realize it soon so that you wonât get too late for herâ¦..â
Ohhh god!! She couldnât get itâ¦I care about Sam but not like thatâ¦She is my friendâ¦. nothing moreâ¦she would never be my girlfriend, my loverâ¦.my lover? Oh stop it Neilâ¦
âChashniâ¦..She is my friend just like you and her are friends..donât push something which isnât thereâ¦.â
âpoorâ¦.Neilâ¦I hope someday soon you will realized the truth that lying deep inside in your heart which everyone can see except youâ¦â¦â
She turned and closed the door behind her and left me alone. I was getting same response from everyone around me.TOO Late? Huhâ¦No way I wouldnât be late cause I didnât feel like that for her and I know she too didnât feel for me.. A geek and a bad boy toghther? Not a good comboâ¦Insanity of match makingâ¦.
I rolled my eyes and pulled my pillow to me and in no time I dozed off.
After having good amount of peaceful sleep I woke up. I felt bit relaxed now though still Samâs word were there in my mind. I got freshen up and went downstairs and saw Sid and Nandu staring into each otherâs eyes. Intense eye lock ..HUhh? Love stuck puppiesâ¦..I rolled my eyes.
I grabbed coke bottle from fridge and went to my favorite placeâ¦My garageâ¦.
I played songs on my mobile and started examining my car. I worked like for hours.
As I was busy working on my car I found Sam standing at the door dressed in casual jeans and top with hoodie jacket.
She might not wear that s*xy dresses but she was real beauty and gonna make some guy very lucky someday to have her in his life.
âIâm sorry for being b***c earlierâ¦â her voice was shakyâ¦what could be bothering her so muchâ¦
âI just wish you would talk to me, Saminder singhâ¦.Iâm worried about youâ¦.â
Her eyes shinned with something? Whatâs thatâ¦is she afraid to tell me something? But why?
âNeil, I need to talk to you about somethingâ¦â her voice cracked. Now seriously she was making me scared..but I never show that on my face.
I walked over and place a stool in front of her and got sat down on it. I was so eager to hear from her. How I missed our talking.
âwhen I went for tournament, Mira told me Aarav likes meâ¦and wants to date meâ
I donât know what to think about that. Aarav was bright student of our college..but he wasnât her type. I felt my blood boiling in rage hearing that. Why I was getting angry about some other guy liking Sam? I looked at her sensed that something more she wanted to tell so I turned my thoughts to her.
â I was little freaked out and started to over think about itâ¦â
I couldnât help but to laugh. âthatâs isnât anything new Samâ¦..â
She looked down and she was fidgeting with her hands. She was really nervous.
â Neilâ¦I thought that shouldnât matter to me because I amâ¦.I AM IN LOVE WITH YOUâ¦.I LOVE YOU NEILâ
The words came out of her mouth and my mind turned upside down. She was in love with meâ¦meâ¦.Neilâ¦the playboyâ¦..I donât know what to think but I have to think fast as she was waiting for my answer.
The idea Sam actually loves me making me go insane. How a perfect girl like her could loves me? We were day and night stay with each other. She deserves a perfect guy better than me for her. she was too good for me. Then I remembered she was the person on whom I trusted more than my family and even more than Arjun who was one of my best buddy. I loved her, but I wasnât in love with her. This is worst moment of my life.
I opened my mouth to say the toughest thing to say to her in my entire lifeâ¦
âSam..You know I love youâ¦.but Iâm not in love with youâ¦.when I said you arenât my type that means you are my friend. I couldnât think of you anything else. You are sweet girl; guys like me hurt girls like you. I would never want to take a chance that I would hurt you and lose you. You are my best friend I could ask for, and please donât be hurt by this. I never want you to hurtâ¦..â
It was then I noticed tears forming in her pretty eyes and thatâs made me shivered in fear. I wanted to pull her in my arms and comfort her. I wanted to make her feel safe from all the bad things. In that moment, I thought if I would have said only to comfort her that I love her.
âI have to go, Neil. Mom would have been waiting for meâ¦â her voice cracked as she got from bench and turned and ran out of my garage.
As soon as she ran off, I too ran behind her. Thatâs when sky opened up and started raining fast.
âSam..wait..donât leaveâ¦.â I yelled to stop her.
Before I actually could do anything she turned her scooty and ran away from me. As I watched her going away from me, I felt my legs went weak and I crashed on ground.
I sat there in the rainfall for a while. I couldnât move. I couldnât think. I couldnât do anything. Whatever I said to her now hurting me badly like some glass piercing my skin.
Was I in love with Sam? The feeling was strange to meâ¦I always thought of her as one of my guy friend..i couldnât fall in love with her..It was like falling in love with Arjun for meâ¦.
It was then I noticed Radhika came there holding umbrella in her hand. She was worried about me.
âWhatâs wrong?â she asked in confusion and worry
ânothing..â I lied
âAre you going to spill the beans or I need to call Arjun to punch youâ¦.â
âSam had come to meet meâ¦â I spoke
Her eyes were started studying mine.
âOkayâ¦what happened then?â
â She told me somethingâ¦.â
Her eyes went wide in shock but why I sensing that she knew what I going to tell her.
âRadzâ¦She told me she is in love with meâ¦.â
With that she wrapped her hand around me and squealed in happinessâ¦
âwowâ¦Neilâ¦finally she confess. I thought she would take whole lifetime to speak that in front of youâ¦.She was hell afraidâ
I pulled her away. â You know this already? â
âI just got to know this today itselfâ¦why are you asking me like thisâ¦you should be happyâ¦â she asked while smiling wide
âRadz,, Iâm not in love with herâ¦.â
With that her sparkling eyes turned into fire shots
â donât tell me you said that to herâ¦.donât tell me,you crushed her heart Neilâ¦â
I looked at ground in defeat. I couldnât bring my eyes back to her.
â OH MY GOD!!!….NEIL WHAT HAVE YOU DONEâ¦.WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON YOUR FREAKING MINDâ¦â¦YOU ARE AN ABSOULTE JERKâ¦.â
I have never been at receiving end of Radhika .For her I was always her sweet and caring bro who fulfilled her every wish. But she didnât know how much it hurting me to hurt Sam. She was the only girl I cared about and donât want to hurt at any cost.
âALRIGHT!!â I Scremed. Radhika stopped blabbering. â I know I have hurt her badlyâ¦but will you for god sake leave me aloneâ¦Pleaseâ¦â
I walked to the garage and locked myself in leaving bewildered Radhika back there.
Up to the point, I thought of myself as somewhat good guy. I told always to other girl to whom with I hook ups that I want just for time pass with them. I was kinder to strangers but I hurt Sam. I would have handle it differently with nicer tone then maybe she wouldnât get hurt.. Though I tried hard but I hurt her already.
I have to talk to her. I need to explain her. I couldnât lose her. She was my back bone. She always says that she needed me more but it wasnât true. I needed her more than anything. I had to fix it. I wanted my best friend back to me.
So howâs it?
These chapter is challenge in itself so I hope you guys enjoyed it..I was thinking deep for this chapter all the days. Comments from Satz and Jess makes helps me to write by Neilâs POV.
Please review and let me know what you think..So can your suggestions and support help me to write better alwaysâ¦.
Love you All!!